Today was not really my day. Its wasn't so different from any other day but sometimes daily events coordinate with each other in such a way that even the most patient, put together moms can have a break down and go out like Britney Spears. I am not actually a patient or put together mom, so it doesn't take me much to be overwhelmed with daily life. But today was a special kind of chaos. Over and over, I didn't get the time to recover as one would need. Moms need a little bit of calm to regroup and move on to the next disaster. But I couldn't. Instead I had one of those days that I just don't know why or HOW I will wake up and do it again the next day. The day was kicking my ass from right and left and I didn't know if I would survive....but we always do...
Both the boys were crying and red faced and messy. One was pissed that I took his tooth brush away because I found him scrubbing the sink and counter and toilet with it. He wanted to brush his teeth and wash the sink with one tool. There was water sprayed all over my mirror. From top to bottom. I had just left some tiny, cute little toddler nail clippings on the counter in a little pile that I needed to brush off into the garbage but he got them wet. So they were gooped all over the sink that he was scrubbing with his tooth brush. He had his toothpaste all over the wall next to the towel that had tooth paste on it as well. Seconds before I walked into this mess, I was on my bed sitting across my 11 month old as he screamed bloody murder because I was snipping his nails. CPS was probably called by the neighbors because, surely, that lady next door who seems to be yelling all day had just left her children and ran away or was trying to torture one of them. Even though they're quite old and hard of hearing, I'm sure the level of screaming coming from next door was alarming for even them.
Earlier today I let my son use his toddler scissors and destroy a sheet of wrapping paper. I was so happy and proud that he took a whole half hour to himself and didn't bother me. But now, 5 hours later and the tiny snippings that I begged him to pick up earlier, were not quite as endearing to me. They were scattered across the floor, dragged into the bathroom upstairs, and wet from the typhoon that came through. I needed to vacuum but as I thought about vacuuming, my 11 month old was pulling himself up my legs like a baby zombie who wanted to eat my brains. I can't vacuum right now so the scraps of colorful wrapping and goops of nail clippings would have to wait.....
because Mr. 3 year old was pissed and in my room emptying out a laundry basket of mismatched socks that i've been trying to match for a week. It was a hurricane of socks whipping around my room and it made me see red. I said to stop and he didn't he just kept whipping them around, some went out into the hallway, others went into the dirty laundry and the others, who knows?! I said stop again, he wouldn't listen and I screamed at the top of my lungs to stooppppPPPP!!!! So that startled or pissed off both kids so they both started crying more and my disaster of a baby went to pull himself to standing by holding onto the side of the now empty laundry basket but it had no weight in it so it flipped up and whacked him in the forehead. Immediately, a bump began forming right on the spot that my fingernail had already left a puncture wound last night.....So I grabbed the poor, blubbering mess and I went to pick up the nail clippings on the counter in the bathroom and my preschooler followed me and tripped over a blow dryer on the floor (WHYYYYY was that there, I haven't even fucking blow dried my hair in 85 months?!?! ) and he's besides himself. I set down cutie, chubby baby and he begins the zombie crawl up my leg again as he is crying and I grab the sad 3 year old to calm him down but now he's reminded of the tooth brush that he sees on the counter again and i'm pissed because i'm reminded of the mess thats still on the counter and the mirror. My baby has now just pulled himself up to standing against the tub and we all know what happens here and so then he's hurt again and I grab him and the other one wants up and I just want to run away into traffic but know I can't and then suddenly the God bless-ed door bell rings.
By now, the last thing I want to do is go to the door and see anyone but what the fuck, its probably a package since i've done more online shopping lately than your stereotypical 90's house wife who eats truffles and shops for jewelry on QVC all day. Except when i'm shopping its for Christmas because i'm terrified to take these hellions out of the house alone and don't get time without them...like...ever so can't actually shop in real life at the stores. And theres no truffles here. So that whole thing was a lie.
Anyways, I go to the door and yes its a few packages. My 3 year old loves opening packages so begins "helping" as I try to stop him so I can peek first and make sure its not for him. We decide we will wrap a gift for sissy because he wants to "help" so he goes running for his scissors and I say "hell no! not again" and he begins throwing a fit and rips the whole roll of tape off the dispenser and I tell him he's done and he grabs his hammer from the tool bench that I spent an hour scrubbing clean yesterday because he wanted it brought inside so badly from out in the garage. He begins hitting everything he can with the hammer and my baby is one of them so he's crying and toddler is crying and then I glanced at the clock and it was 1:47 PM and I knew it should actually be bedtime....and, surprisingly, I began to cry with them. I'm not much of a crier, and usually handle disaster and chaos all day every day with a sliver of grace and pride... But today it surprised me that I just felt that raw and pushed past my limits....I cried.
But what surprised me more is as I was wondering "what the fuck is wrong with you?!?!" I began laughing. And laughing and laughing and laughing and then I started to feel tears run down my face as I laughed and so I just continued to cry and laugh and laugh and laugh as my day just crumbled around me over and over again....I laughed and laughed. I couldn't stop laughing and my kids were staring at me quietly. Both of them. Just stared.
And then my toddler wrapped his arms around my neck and said "mommy, I wuff you so much when you laugh. This is a great day."
So, I guess tomorrow I will wake up and do it all over again and be thankful for the moments that help us to keep on swimming. And some maniacal laughter.
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