Mombie Apocalypse

July 15, 2014

You wouldn't believe the post that I just deleted. It had some really good stuff and some not so good stuff, but I just clicked delete, and it was gone. It was like 2 miles long and my hands are aching. But I wasn't into that one. It seemed forced. So, here we are again. Lets see….

I love to write, I love to post on social media, I love to laugh. I love to make people laugh. I am a contributing writer on a Facebook group called "Mommy Doesn't Have a Filter Honey. "Go check it out, we are funny moms who hold nothing back! Don't forget to hit "like" and come visit the page on your own once in a while. Facebook is being a real bitch and we have nearly 10,000 followers, but each of our hilarious posts are only reaching 15-20 people. Thats a whole other blog post so lets move on before I get mad.

I have always wanted to blog. I have a journal typed out on a mommy forum that I stopped writing in about a year ago. But I've kind of been blogging on my personal Facebook page for about a year now. I am not sure the exact moment that my personal page became more like a blog but I post everything. I hold nothing back.  I mean, everything. If you don't hear from me for a day on my personal page, just expect i'm dead. Because I can't not. My phone is so damn smart. I just click and post. Pictures, status updates, clever little articles, snarky comments, "likes"…I am always posting something. Facebook has been my only real social outlet ever since my first son was born in 2011. I suppose here is where I should stop and back up a bit. If you don't know me, which is highly unlikely, since I expect about a handful of people who know me to be my only followers….but just in case someone new sneaks in, here's a bit about me.

I am Nikki, 33 years old. I have 3 kids, 2 dogs, 1 cat, and a boyfriend. Yea, I know, I have a boyfriend at age 33. Moving right along. My daughter is 10. She is from a previous relationship. My sons are 2.5 and 6 months old. They are both from this relationship. The one that is my boyfriend at age 33, remember? I made up the word MOMBIE for myself a while ago. We are sorta big into The Walking Dead, like everyone else and their grandma, right? I refer to myself as a Mombie on special days where I get less sleep than normal (so, like, in the negatives then???). My life is crazy. I still have to count my kids every time someone asks how many I have. Saying I have 3 kids is like speaking yeddish and the words get stuck on my tongue. It seems like a lie. But, lo and behold, when I count them I do have 3 kids. I rarely talk to adults except through social media. I don't remember what its like to leave the house alone. I barely shower, sometimes wonder if I even brushed my teeth that day. I eat too much junk, don't clean enough, can't remember what I did yesterday, consider a bad day to be one where I have to wear pants that snap, haven't painted or snipped my nails in longer than I should admit to, shouldn't be wearing flip flops, but can't be bothered to bend over and put real shoes on. If my hair is down for 2 minutes after the shower, it bothers me enough to go up into my messy bun. But not without a handful of it falling out because post partum hormones are a huge bitch. I don't wear any makeup, smell like milk, wipe my dirty hands on my pants, and would rather stay home all week than brave public places with my "eccentric" bunch of lovely people. I cry. A lot. But its rarely out of sadness. I cry when I'm proud, happy, excited, wistful, nostalgic, frustrated, and tired. But its very rarely sadness. I am not a sad person when I really think of it, though I let stress of day to day bring me down and keep me down at times. I don't know much about anything anymore. I used to be all smart and clever, but now I only know things about cartoons and kid's games. Or about Cloth diapers. I love cloth diapers. Well, I usually hate them but like buying them. I do too much laundry. 2 kids in diapers that need to be washed every other day is something short of stupid, but I told you i'm not smart anymore. I love to baby wear and if you don't know what that means, its just what it sounds like. I wear my kids in carriers. There's a whole, crazy community of baby wearing moms and dads out there. There are Facebook pages and swaps and tons of pretty carriers and obsessed mamas who have "stashes" that are worth thousands of dollars. I don't know anything about politics but I can go on forever about baby wearing and carriers. I love pinterest and photography. I like to pretend to like to cook but really hate it. Would rather have a pizza any day. I love thrift shopping and selling. I like to think about camping, but learned that with 3 kids, thats really not so fun, so we may revisit that in a few years. For right now, I have very few actual hobbies, because my son won't let me do anything but sit on the floor playing mind numbing toddler toys and reading the same damn stories over and over. And moms wonder why they feel stupid as a box of rocks after staying home for a year.

So other than just being a Mom, I now have a few other dream jobs I could add to the list. I dream of working in a morgue. I would love to take post mortem X-rays, but our local medical examiner removed herself from the hospital and now has her own huge facility and does her own X-rays. Poop. I drove past the new building like a crazy stalker the other day. It moved 3 minutes down the road from me and I just want in. I may look into that further down the road. But for now, i'll just slow drive by it when i'm in the neighborhood.  Another thing I would like to do is photography. Of living people. Or dead. Whatever needs photographs I guess! I just got my first DSLR fancy camera and have no fucking clue what to do with it, but its still fun to mess around with. Maybe i'll take my services to crime scene investigating or something. Or newborn or birth photography. Whatever. I also would like to get certified being a Doula. I want to help women have natural births, the way they want it. A way to kinda live vicariously since I had 3 c sections. These are all just dreams and we all know that most dreams of moms get pushed under a rug somewhere and never revisited again. But I like to just think of them once in a while to remember that I am a human being too. Some day.

I am no one special, but I am mom to 3 little people and while I don't know much, I know that this Stay at home Mom business is real. Its real work. I worked my ass off as a radiologic technologist for the past 5/6 years. But now i'm home 100% of the time. And Life as a stay at home mom is a whole other ball game. I have no identity any longer, but wouldn't trade it for anything. Except, maybe in 5 or 6 years when I will happily go back to work and find myself again. But, I know that one day looking back on this craziness that is my life, I will not regret staying home and living every waking minute of my life for these kids. Thats just who I am. I am Mombie. Welcome to the Mombie Apocalypse. Hold on tight. Don't go out after dark. And go straight for the brain.